Pearl Shadow
by Singer1108
Summary: a songfic to the song Pearl Shadow by High and Mighty Color. Ghosts of Rukia's past cause her to become gravely depressed, and Ichigo does whatever it is he can to comfort her while trying to keep his true feelings at bay.


_Fill me up.  
Whatever happens, even if someone else comes by  
You're the only one who fills my heart._

_I kept on wandering and ended up here, in the depths of daybreak once more _

It was early, too early, but still, something was bothering me. I kept hearing whimpering coming from the inside of my closet, where Rukia slept. To me, it almost sounded as if she was crying, but then again, she could have just been having a nightmare. To the best of my ability, I tried to ignore it, but it never went away. Soon after the whimpering started, it was shortly followed by almost silent sniffles and stifled sighs, and it was then I knew that something was wrong. Rukia never cried, not unless she was in immense pain, and even then, it was rare to see her cry. I couldn't stand the thought of her hurting, so I decided to check on her. Maybe today, she'll be willing to talk to me.

_I want you to break me. I want you to hold me  
I want you to come close. But you won't. Fill me up. _

"Rukia?" I said "Is everything alright?" but she didn't answer me, just the sound of more whimpering. I sighed; she was being just as stubborn as usual. I got up out of my bed and walked over to the closed closet door.

"Hey…Rukia…" I said softly.

"Go away, Ichigo!" she said to me, but I wasn't listening, not now.

"Just tell me you're okay." I said to her, but again, she didn't answer me. "Please, just talk to me."

"I don't want to talk about it." She replied, her voice cracking a little.

My heart sank, although I should have expected something like that from her. She always had a way of keeping things from me, but I wasn't giving up on her. I knew that I would be the first one she'd turn to in times like this; it was just a matter of time before she finally caved. All I had to do was make sure I stayed by her, in case she needed me.

_Innocence, your violet-colored eyes  
Hide the knife of a hot, deep insanity that tears you apart  
Confusion, don't avoid me, I want you to hold me tight. . .  
The hot air shimmers and then burns out, leaving you as an empty shell _

I opened the closet door and saw her sitting there, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. She stared at me, her eyes bloodshot from the tears, and then looked away. I knew she didn't want me to see her like that, but I didn't care. To me, she still looked just as beautiful as ever, and all I wanted to do was help her.

"Rukia, look at me." I said to her.

"No," she said, hiding her face in the shadows.

"Quit being a pain in the ass and just tell me why you're crying." I said with a little force.

"Why should I tell you anything?" She said, a tear running down her cheek.

"Rukia, there's no shame in talking about your problems with someone who cares about you. Maybe I just want to help you."

"You couldn't help me, not with this."

"And how would you know?"

"Because it's a serious problem, Ichigo, and I don't want to bother you with it." She admitted.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere and you're not leaving this closet until you tell me what's got you so upset." I said, climbing into the closet and taking a seat close by her.

"Don't be stupid, we'll both be late for school!" she said.

"I don't care, I'm not leaving." I said.

"You're impossible!" she said, turning her head away from me.

"Hey," I said, placing my hand on her knee. "You aren't getting out of this. Right now, helping you out is more important to me than getting to school on time. I can sit here all day and wait if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me."

Rukia sighed and turned to face me, folding her hands in her lap. "You really aren't leaving?"

I smiled, "Not a chance, Rukia."

"Okay," she said softly. "I'll tell you."

_Fill me up.  
Whatever happens, even if someone else comes by  
You're the only one who fills my heart_

_Just a little more is not enough, pearl shadow, how much do you love me? _

Kaien Shiba was her best friend, and she had to hurt him in order to save his life. It was incredible, the things she told me about the night she killed him. She told me how a hollow had taken over his body and the only thing she could do was pierce his heart to set him free. And then for her to run into him again in Hueco Mundo, only to discover that it was those damned Espada who took on the shape of those we would hesitate to fight. It was at that part where she began to cry harder.

"That damn monster! How could he do that to me! How could he do that to my memories of Kaien!" she cried.

I felt horrible, absolutely horrible. I didn't know how to react, or even what to say, but I couldn't let her cry anymore. She just looked so helpless and alone, and I couldn't stand to see her like that.

"Rukia…I'm…" I started to say.

"That man was the only one who believed in me as a Soul Reaper, and he even thanked me for killing him," she cried to me. "How am I supposed to live knowing I killed him?"

"Rukia, I'm sure Kaien knew that there was no other way for you to help him. I'm sure he doesn't blame you for what happened, it couldn't be helped."

"But why did it have to be me, Ichigo?" she said, gripping the collar of my shirt. "Why did it have to be me?"

"I can't answer that," I replied honestly. "But there's one thing I know for sure. If Kaien really cared about you like you say, then you are the only person he could never be angry with." I said, taking her hand off my collar and lacing my fingers between hers.

"I know that he would never be angry with me, and would probably forgive me, but why can't I forgive myself?" she asked, looking straight into my eyes.

"You tell me that, Rukia. Why can't you forgive yourself? You did nothing wrong."

"I-I don't know! I know that there was nothing else I could do, yet I still feel like there were options that I hadn't even considered! I could have done something, ANYTHING else, but I chose to kill him, and I can't help but feel that there was another way." She said, more tears falling down her cheek.

"Listen to me," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder and looking her in the eye. "Kaien's death is not your fault. You didn't end his life because you wanted to. You saved him by ending his pain, and he knew that death was the only way he could be free of that monster inside of him. You saved him, Rukia."

Rukia didn't answer, but instead bowed her head down and cried. I placed my arms around her waist as I gently picked her up and placed her in my lap and embraced her as she cried into my chest.

"Everything's going to be okay, I promise." I whispered to her as I stroked her hair.

_I want you to break me. I want you to hold me  
I want you to come close. But you won't. Fill me up _

_Innocence, I want you to melt into the loose rhythm of love  
I don't need reasons, I won't ask…in this glass labyrinth  
Confusion, even though I can't see the pieces of loneliness  
I'm falling faster and faster into a vortex of a stimulation so intense it makes me sad.._

A few minutes passed as I held Rukia close to me, letting her cry it all out even though her tears were tearing me apart. I wanted her to stop crying, and to smile just like she use to. That beautiful, radiant smile she wore whenever she was truly happy.

"Ichigo…" she whispered.

"I'm here," I said softly.

"Thank you." She said, lifting her face up to look at me.

I smiled at her sincerely. "It's no problem."

"You're really a sweet guy, you know that?" she said, sitting herself up.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know it." I joked.

She smiled at me with that same smile that I grew to fall in love with.

_I want to protect you and yet I don't, I'll set your beautiful heart on fire  
The love I lost the day you went away still sparkles_

_Fill me up  
Whatever happens, even if someone else comes by  
You're the only one who fills my heart _

_I want you to break me. I want you to hold me  
I want you to come close. But you won't. Fill me up _

"Ichigo…can I ask you something?" Rukia said.

"Go for it." I replied.

"Why were you so concerned about me?"

"That's a stupid question." I said to her.

"Well, answer it! You got me to talk, now you're going to talk." She said.

"Fine. I guess it's because I was worried. I don't' like seeing you cry, and I wanted to help."

"You don't like seeing me cry?" she asked, a weird expression on her face.

"No, I don't. It bothers me and it makes me feel helpless, so I wanted to do something to make you feel better. I can't stand the sight of you being in pain."

"Ichigo…" she said, her cheeks turning a little pink.

"I'm sorry…did I cross the line?" I asked.

"No, you idiot." She laughed.

"Oh…" I said, embarrassing myself.

"It was very sweet of you to say." She said, kissing my cheek. "Thank you."

That was all it took. I grabbed her hand as she turned away from me; I wasn't going to let her go.

"Rukia…" I said sincerely.

I looked into her big, bright violet eyes and pulled her closer to me. She hesitated at first, but slowly made her way over to me. I gently cupped her face before moving closer, and before long, our lips made contact. Slowly and passionately I kissed her as she placed her hands on both sides of my face before kissing me back.

"Rukia," I said when we finally broke apart, "I have something I want to tell you."

"I love you, Ichigo." She said, catching me off guard.

"You…you what?"

"I love you. I'm in love with you and have been in love with you for as long I can remember."

I stared at her in disbelief, not really processing the words in which she just spoke to me.

"Well?" she said suddenly.

"Rukia Kuchiki, I am completely in love with you." I said to her.

She smiled at me and placed a soft, passionate kiss on my lips, and held wrapped herself around me.

"You promise?" she asked sincerely.

"Absolutely." I said, leaning down to kiss her once more.

_Innocence, your violet-colored eyes  
Hide the knife of a hot, deep insanity that tears you apart  
Confusion, don't avoid me, I want you to hold me tight. . .  
The hot air shimmers and then burns out, leaving you as an empty shell _

_I want to carry you away, but I can't, I'll set your beautiful heart on fire  
The love we had that day, that seemed so nonsensical then, still sparkles_

_Fill me up  
Whatever happens, even if someone else comes by  
You're the only one who fills my heart_


End file.
